and she was petting her beer can
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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