Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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