i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
