i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
