my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
