the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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