my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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