I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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