I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
