You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
