i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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