He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
