party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
