i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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