my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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