so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
