connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
