That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
