He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
