CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
