Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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