Me too!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
