Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
