Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
