I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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