I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
