I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
