omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
