Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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