I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I will be naked everywhere
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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