I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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