you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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