Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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