He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
