I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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