if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
