Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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