matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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