I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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