Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
