all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
