After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
