Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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