she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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