...so i touched it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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