they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Couch. On fire.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
