my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
