He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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