I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
