careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
